Pry me open…

How we live life is a direct result of how we were raised. I come from a family that lacks communication and as a child I grew very used to keeping to myself, not communicating or sharing my real feelings. Then, BAM! I’d explode either in anger, tears, self-inflicted pain, or I’d just shut down completely. As an adult I carry a lot of the same issues-I hold things in, put my walls up, and guard myself until BAM-I explode. It’s a crappy cycle, but it is part of my journey. For me writing is my outlet-it allows me to release to share things that maybe I wouldn’t share with anyone else.

A little confession into me–there were a few reasons for moving across country, but the main one is I needed a fresh start in a big city. Some may say I am running away from the things that haunted me in Naples, but I see it as a way to start over. No one really knows me here….that’s because I hide behind my smiley face. The challenge my friend and a coach at OPT Scottsdale gave me is to be honest and be more vulnerable. So, I will try each day to be a little bit more real and to pry open the me that I have so well hidden.

Tonight I got a text from my best friend in Florida and she always has the right words to say just when I need them the most. As I rolled out after my workout, I texted with her and she told me words that I don’t hear very often. She told me she was proud of me. She reaffirmed for me qualities that I know I have but often keep hidden. Of course I left many tears on the mat and the floor of the gym. Here are her words:

“I am so proud of you for taking such a big step and being so fearless. Or if you were fearful for doing it anyway. For setting goals and being so determined. For starting new, fresh, over. For being brave. For putting one foot in front of the other day after day. You’re such a fighter and so determined. And yet always so friendly and positive. I just love you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be strong.”