leap of faith

For so many years I have put peoples’ needs above my own needs, I have run myself ragged doing and doing and doing and often getting little back in return. A downside for me is that in some ways I am a people pleaser, so I will do what you ask even if it means stressing me out and running me down. This past year I wanted to prove to others that told me I’d always be the fat girl that I could do it. But, in some ways I still find myself trying to please and prove them wrong. But, the last month I have started having a change through being challenged to do it for me. Put me first! As I continue to become more aware, I find putting me first is a great thing. Though it isn’t an overnight process, I am learning to become somewhat more and more selfish in order to focus on me and my goals and proving to myself that I can do it.

My journey is still continuing, I am getting stronger and fitter. I am learning what I need to do and eat, and train in order to meet those big goals that I have set for myself. Even though there are days I beat myself up mentally, the days that I remain positive are far greater. Finding positive phrases, writing them out and making them look pretty and then placing the sayings around my apartment so the days I am really hard on myself are the days that I look at the saying, say it a few times and I start to feel better. The more and more you drown people in positivity the more and more they will shine brighter and feel like Superwoman or man.

While at times I struggle to leave the past in the past and not dwell on the rough times, I have been able to write those hurtful things down and burry them on the side of the mountain or in the desert on my morning walks. Paper is biodegradable and I know when the rain comes those hurts and rough times will be one with the earth. Releasing them onto paper has been freeing. Even though the hurt is still there in my memories, letting it go and releasing it has such significance.

Find what helps to keep your days positive when you are having a bad day. We all have bad days, but finding that phrase or words can help you heal and release the pain. Each day is a gift, cherish it and remember you get to start fresh again.




Published by Julie Kristine

My experience, struggles, strength, a full transparency of me.

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