I got a phone call from a friend who is sort of life a mentor to me besides being a friend. Our lives and pasts are quite similar but she is about 12 years older than I am. She told me that God had laid me on her heart and spoke through her words she wanted to share with me. As I drove my car to work, tears just rolled out of my eyes because everything she was telling was exactly what I needed to hear. She told me that where I am is where I am supposed to be and to keep staying grounded in my fitness and in life. She told me that I need to learn to forgive my family and stop carrying around the burden I do in regards to them. She told me to love myself even through all the stages I am going through and that I need to get back on the path that brought me out here. She told me that God spoke to her and said my purpose is helping others and being a positive light and when I can fully embrace all that I have learned my life will fully fall into place.
I know deep down that I have to find a way to get back to OPEX as that is what brought me out here and what I know my deep purpose is. While my life has been crazy and full of changes I need to fully trust, follow, and live my passion. I know there are things I can give up if this is truly what is going to bring me back to the passion I used to have when I first moved here. Some days I just feel so empty–but I know I have to force myself to get out and not be a “hermit”. So, how do I get back to that place of passion, strength, and living a full life.
I’ve heard many amazing things about a program called Landmark Forum. I guess it helps you figure out your focus and teaches you to heal from past hurts and go and do outstanding things. I feel like I have something blocking me and holding me back from being really great. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if I am letting my past abuse creep back up into my life again and talk negatively to myself and see myself as a failure or if it is just a phase I am in–either way I don’t like it and I don’t know how to fix it. Have you ever done Landmark?
I do know is I do find a little joy each day and I know it is all part of the journey!